As usual I have been busy with the usual normal life crap. We all face it and alot of the time it just gets in the way rather than add to out livelihood. Personally, I can't stand much of any of it. I find any time I can inbetween the usual bullshit to at least think creatively.

I wanted to start doing some bladesmithing a while back with the plethora of railroad spikes that I recently found in the lot behind my parents' house. Considering my family is the most conservative anti-anything I basically find as a hobby it was turned down and not allowed on their premises. I could use another spot that is up in the woods that I knew of but it's a helluva treck with a bunch or iron spikes as well as the smithing tools. It's also all uphill and on a rather precarious slope. I've opted out of that option for now.

I was considering photo editing some in game pictures but as of late have had almost no inspiration or material to really work with. Nothing really that can be helped there.

I've considered drawing again and the few really small sketches I did really aren't up to par with what I would ever put up here. Basically, I got no sketches or drawing worth putting up.

Actual photography I have considered again but over the last two years my tolerance for the bullshit new england weather has pretty much dampened any desire to go outside when I don't need to. The lack of a redaily accessible car is also tied in with that.

In the end, I got nothing. No real spark lately. No real artistic motivation beyond daydreams of what I used to do and would like to do but simply do not have the will to try at.

I never really thought I'd be like this. Everyone remembers me as the art kid. Always had a sketchbook. Always drawing. Never great but halfway decent I suppose. It somewhat bothers me that not only have I seemingly lost a piece of what everyone recognized me as but a piece that I personally was glad I had. Still, people grow and I hate to say it but perhaps I just outgrew it over time. Perhaps photography is more what I am apt for and perhaps I am better suited as an editorial role in art rather than deep in it as an artist myself. Perhaps it is my appreciation for art that is more me than my personal capacity to create it.

However ya slice it, art is simply not the front of my life like it was. I suppose I did have to grow up and realize that my own abilities were never going to be enough to be the forefront of my life and provide for me like I'd need to to survive. I care more about my roof and food than my sacrifices for my art at the moment.

On that note, I am still working and making little money. I still have my relationship that I hold quite dear to me and another trip coming in a few days' time. Perhaps I'll find some inspiration there and bring something back to show.